Strip Clubs Are For Morons

I simply can’t understand why people bother going to strip clubs. They are a waste of time and more importantly, of money.

So you pay a girl forty bucks and she gives you a lap dance. She rubs her whatever around your wherever, but you can’t fuck her, you can’t even touch her, and on the off chance she gives you an ol’ rudy, she sure as shit isn’t gonna follow through with it enough for you to bust a nut. So what’s the point, what has that got you? Forty bucks in the hole without landing yourself in a hole. You could have taken that money into some douche bar and maybe gotten laid buying a girl that much worth of cocktails. Your balls are bluer than they were when you walked in, which is presumably why you went there in the first place, and the stripper is forty bucks richer for being a cock tease, which most women already are. The status quo is maintained perfectly, only you had to spend money to stay on the losing side. So where’s the benefit? Unless you get off on the moral kick of helping some bitch “pay her way through college,” then strip clubs have nothing to offer you. At that point, you are better off staying home and watching porn. Porn is way better than strip clubs because either way you can look but you can’t touch, and even if you did pay something for your porn, you can still sit there and jerk off to it. It’s not like you can whip out your dick and start beating off in the middle of a strip club. Trust me on that one.

So maybe there are other reasons you would go. Like the ambiance… Yeah… Strip clubs just have such a clean, welcome, inviting ambiance with their watered down and expensive drinks and ATMs that charge you $8 fees. Maybe you go to see some sweet girl on girl action. Maybe you want to see two bitches rubbing tits together (try placing a stick in between them and tell they you will pay them if it catches fire), but my prior argument stands. Fact of the matter is, unless I’m directly involved in things like that, I could give a fuck what happens. This is why girls making out at parties and bars doesn’t impress me, why two strippers straddling each other doesn’t motivate me to spend an extra single dollar to any of them. What do I get out of it? If my face is in between the two sets of tits, I get it. If two bitches are tonguing each other’s face and my balls happen to be between them, then they have my attention. But unless I am somehow a part of this girl-on-girl attention whoring, why should I give a fuck? You’re probably thinking that something like this means I’m gay or whatever. But think about it, what is gayer? Jerking off alone to the thought of some barstars making out, or not giving a fuck and breaking even because they aren’t bent over the trunk of your car? Does it make me unreasonable or sexually jaded to only want to be a part of whatever potential threesomes are brewing and to recognize when not to waste my time and effort on something that isn’t going to happen?

And while we’re on the subject of sex and porn, what the hell is wrong with women who accept money to fuck furry animals? Sure, some people have strange fetishes, and good for them, they deserve the freedom of artistic expression, or however they justify alternative porn. But at least half of these tramps are average-to-remotely-decent-looking (i.e. not fat or old). That’s perfectly good pussy that is going to waste on a farm animal when it could be doing good to its own species. Instead of accepting a hundred bucks to blow a German Shepherd, go accept a hundred bucks to blow some kid with no social skills. It would make his year. Instead of letting a horse or a goat plow your disgusting vagina, make some virgin’s month by taking it up the ass. You blow a house cat, and when you are done its just gonna go shit in the yard and do other boring pet nonsense as if nothing happened. But if you blow a loser or an old dude, he’ll cherish that memory for the rest of his life, and that means a lot more to a human fucking being that it does something that people eat. You obviously have no self esteem or self respect anyway, so it’s not like you would be somehow opposed to banging the undesirables. Bang a fat dude or a D&D nerd, bang a PTSD Veteran. It’s not like these people who slipped through the cracks are somehow inferior to a Great Dane. I’d wager that a good amount of people who frequent strip clubs are old or weird perverts that could never get laid, if they finally found someone to throw some steel in, who knows how much richer their lives and bank accounts would be.

You may even save a life or thirty, because I can fucking promise you, I can grade-A guarantee that if the week before the Sandy Hook Massacre, some even remotely passable skeevy dogslut blew Adam Lanza and bought him a beer, he never would have decided to shoot up a school full of little kids. If anyone, ANYONE, would have let Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold double team her, they would have blown off enough steam (and nut) to calm down about the whole getting fucked with in high school thing. Throat fucking a bitch is a fantastic stress reliever.

So the next time you run into a girl who gets gangbanged by niggers for a living, encourage her to do the right thing. Tell her to do it for the kids. For the veterans. For the virgins. For pretty much fucking anyone. Make this offer to strippers too, because the only boundary between a stripper and a hooker is the paycheck. Maybe that will give some meaning to their shitty, sordid lives. Their fathers will forgive them and finally tell them that they love their little girl, a handful of school children will live another day, and I will once again be proven right about everything. Everybody wins.