First Published 6-15-09
Last week while checking various news sites, because there is nothing wrong with being informed (And no MSNBC was not one of those sites, I said I wanted to be informed, not brainwashed), I came across an article that made my blood boil so hot, I had to slander it. That’s what people do when they don’t like something, right? They make fun of it. However, simply mocking the ideas presented in this page I felt weren’t enough. I just had to ridicule the idea behind it, and expose it as the further declination of Average Joe American’s worth. And I thought people were worthless before…
The original article’s text can be found here
It is titled “For the ‘funemployed,’ unemployment is welcome”
Look out everyone, there’s a new buzzword in town. That would be “funemployment,” or the idea that because you were too worthless and or stupid to keep your job, you are somehow entitled to blow off responsibility. The article talks about how people, unemployed by the recent recession, are worrying less and less about finding a job and earning money, and spend more and more time doing leisure activities. They claim to be “taking advantage of their forced time off,” but the truth of the matter is, they are living their dream of not doing shit. The article states: “Buoyed by severance, savings, unemployment checks or their parents, the funemployed do not spend their days poring over job listings.”
You quit your fucking job, or more likely got fired from it for being a smug, spoiled bitch, and instead of being responsible, useful, and otherwise un-ragingly douche baggish, you leech off of the government, or even your fucking parents, rewarding your vapid laziness and lack of job skills by going to the beach, masturbating frequently, travelling, or just being a fuck and bragging about how you weren’t good enough to keep your job on Twitter. What the fuck is the big deal with Twitter? Why the hell would any random person be interested in you “tweeting” a play-to-play about your stupid life? Your life isn’t so interesting as that I absolutely have to know when you plan on going to the mall to pay absurd prices for ugly clothing at stores like American Eagle, so shut the fuck up. Even the word “Twitter” is stupid. It sounds like an onomatopoeia for jacking off. The internet has empowered absolutely everyone who doesn’t deserve to be empowered, and the fact that you are reading this only proves me right.
Back to how god-awful the concept of “funemployment” is, it just defies a common moral sense of self duty, apparently not so common anymore. The article expounds on the concept of it as the younger generation’s way of “thumbing their nose” at Corporate America. How mature. Pop Punk music and Rage Against the Machine (worst band ever) taught you to hate “Big Business Fascists,” and your way of sticking it to the man is to have him stick it to you. Have you ever stopped to consider that all of this New Age empowerment bullshit is nothing but an extreme (and extremely stupid) way of compensating for your inherent worthlessness? What’s the matter; did your place of business not award you enough “Effort” awards? For those of you who don’t know, an “Effort” Award is something rewarded to someone too worthless to actually accomplish anything so they won’t feel worthless and continues working. No it isn’t an evil of Corporate America;
It’s an unfortunate necessity these days, because people feel they need to be motivated to do what they should be doing in the first place. Or maybe your parents were stupid hippies in the 60s, and their “carefree (read: irresponsible)” lifestyle prevented them from learning about real life and passing it on to you. Here is an actual “tweet” from a jobless prick who obviously didn’t get enough “Effort” Awards or morale from his hippie parents, reveling in his irresponsibility: “Averaging 3 rounds of golf a week plus hockey and bball. who needs work?”
Who needs work?
How about people who aren’t self-centered burdens to society? How about people who want to feed their kids? How about people who don’t have 99 weeks of unemployment benefits and parents to mooch off of? How do you pay rent without your job? How the fuck do you pay to keep your internet connection so you can keep socially masturbating yourself and others via Twitter in the first place? I swear if I find out a single one of my tax dollars is going to some chud that lost his job and began to play golf instead of trying to provide for himself, I’m going to find him and beat the shit out of him. My money is paying for his welfare check, so I think I’m entitled to it.
Here’s another wonderful quote that every American should be embarrassed about:
“You figure out how much . . . you miss when maybe you’re tied to your BlackBerry all the time or, in my case, traveling for work all the time. I can’t imagine doing that again and sacrificing everything I want to do for me. . . . I think it is a new way of thinking.”
A new way of thinking… A new way of thinking what? Unemployment is a new way of thinking? I hope you still feel that way when you live in a ramshackle ghetto, or in your parent’s basement because sudden you realized that not working is the way life should be. Unless “everything you want to do for you” involved prostitution to pay your bills, sleeping in/eating out of a trash can, and walking everywhere you go, I really don’t see how you aren’t sacrificing everything you wanted to do for you. Designer clothing, Spring Break in Mexico, and being a general selfish burden tends to cost money. Unemployment checks are meant to carry over the needy BETWEEN jobs. It’s not a form of retirement pay for those who can’t keep a job enough to earn a real retirement check.
Audacity Alert: “Recession gives people permission to be unemployed,” said David Logan, a professor at USC’s Marshall School of Business.
Permission to be unemployed? How can you even justify something like that? How the fuck can you sit there, a well-educated and well-paid college professor, and say that people have “permission” to be lazy? What kind of professor are you? What the hell do you teach, “Philosophy 101?” If you aren’t good enough to keep your job, you get good enough, or you flip burgers your entire life. There is no acceptable other option there. No one wants to coddle to the lowest common denominator, especially if that person is at the lowest rung of the latter because they choose to be. Who wants to take care of someone up to their neck in “the country’s cultural narcissism — and attitudes of entitlement and self-centeredness.” That’s exactly what the problem is. People these days are self-centered, lazy, and narcissistic. How did a plague like this mindset spread in the first place? I’ll tell you why, it’s because shitty parents raise shitty kids, and almost the entire generation responsible for raising today’s up-and-comings are all burnout hippies who were too big of pussies to correct their children when they were wrong. Whatever happened to beating your kids? I bet if half the parents that refused to hit their children when they acted out actually disciplined their little shits, they wouldn’t have grown up to be huge shitsack burdens to society. The term “funemployment” wouldn’t exist, my general anger levels wouldn’t be hovering around “Blind Fury,” and who knows, maybe some of them would have been good enough to keep their fucking jobs.
If you read the linked LA Times article and weren’t ashamed of your species, or were happy that Mexicans are no longer the only ones acceptably unemployed, or if you are offended by my racial comparison, then you too are a mark of shame on your species. I have a bit of advice for all of you: Go die in the wilderness.